


True to Myself

by VodkaaLou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Louis, Cute, M/M, Oral Sex, Popular Harry, Slow Build, Trans Louis, Trans Male Character, Transgender, b!l, sex is later, sex scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VodkaaLou/pseuds/VodkaaLou
Summary: Louis Tomlinson never felt like himself growing up, and after moving to America for his college education, Louis is back in his old town of Doncaster, feeling a lot more sure of himself. He is still paranoid about how people will react to him however, and throwing in meeting an old school crush and Louis' life has gone crazy!(Summary is shit rn I'm changing it soon! Will probably change the name too tbh if anyone have any suggestions I would v much appreciate:D)





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer:
> 
> I did a couple of hours of research into Transgender issues, and the procedures for ftm but I may have some things wrong! If so feel free to correct me but please do it in a nice way, I mean no offense at all. If you think you may take offense to this work, please don't read it.

“As if we just graduated!” Niall laughed, shaking his head dramatically. Everything Niall does is pretty dramatic, so Harry wasn’t surprised by the other lad. The boy was already buzzing so it may not be a good idea to give Niall more than one blunt.

“I swear high school was like last week.” Harry murmured in agreement. Not much had changed since high school, they had all moved on to college, the same friendship group and the same classes, and then University. Most in their group did a three year course, some still had a year left to do but were still celebrating. 

Lucy passed Harry the blunt she had just rolled, and Harry looked down on it with a frown. She really wasn’t very good at rolling, the weed was hanging out the end, and the turned off side looked like it was about to unravel. 

“Lucy still aint good at rolling.” Harry joked, causing all the others sat around in Harry’s bedroom to laugh. Harry unravelled and rerolled the blunt, and in that time the others had really gone deep into the subject of High School. 

The others being Niall, Liam, Zayn, Will, Stanley, Lucy, Eleanor, Sophia, Kylie and Gigi. Many of the girls in the group were complete bitches, but they all got along, they were a pretty tight group.

“Remember English class with Mr Hill and you two would drive him insane!” Kylie laughed, pointing to Liam and Zayn as she spoke. The two lads then proceeded to tell numerous accounts of when they had all pissed off that specific teacher in their last year of High School. 

“Our table group was so good that year, I swear we were all sat together.” Sophia interrupted Liam before he could go into yet another analogy of English Class. Sophia and Liam used to date, all through High School and College but as soon as we all went to Uni in Manchester Liam went off with numerous girls at different parties and Sophia ended up breaking up with him. Even though this was years ago, and we are all 22 they both still have a lot of tension. 

“Harry wasn’t.” Kylie shook her head and turning to me. “Who were you sat with again?” 

I had to think for a while, high school was such a long time ago it is hard to remember who was in your year let alone who you sat next to in one class for one year of your life. “I think it was that kid Stephen who had to always sit next to one of the classroom assistants and that girl with the short brown hair.” It was a pretty vague description of the girl but they all knew who Harry meant, there was only one girl who would be described solely like that.

“Loretta Tomlinson!” Eleanor remembered. “She was so quiet, didn’t she go to our college?” 

There was a few minutes of bickering as to what had happened to Loretta, no one had seen her since they left high school it seemed. She had really short hair, shorter than some boys in their classes, and always wore trousers instead of like every other girl whom chose the skirt part of the uniform. Even on free dress day she used to wear shirts which were bought from Topman instead of TopShop. 

Harry took a drag of his blunt once he lit it, immediately calming before he leaned his head back and blew the smoke out. He took another deep inhale, letting the smoke stay inside his body for a little longer than usual, breathing out again with the same action of his head back. His hair was long, longer than some girls and reached past his shoulders. 

“I bet with a little make up and some hair extensions and Loretta would have looked pretty.” Lucy stated confidently, and the other girls nodded along. 

“I think she looked alright as she was to be honest.” Harry spoke up, frowning. He wouldn’t say she wasn’t pretty because she was, he just thought she stood out quite a bit for being different than the other girls in the year. 

“Harry, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you know anything about like style and fashion and shit.” Lucy argued, flicking her stupid blonde hair which was straightened to perfection because Lucy Brooker couldn’t be seen to be anything less than perfect for her graduation ceremony. 

“I wonder where Loretta is now.” Liam spoke, before taking a drag of his blunt again. 

*_*

Everything looked so different to how Louis remembered it when he was last home. The cars on the motorway didn’t go as fast as they do on the free way in America. The pavements were smaller than he remembered, and the houses were all very close together. There was a sense of isolation and individualism in the air as Louis sat in the back of the taxi, staring out at the place he spent his childhood. The atmosphere in America was a lot more chilled, Louis couldn’t quite put his finger on why but he felt on edge as soon as the plane touched down on the tarmac at Gatwick. 

Louis left his home in Doncaster when he was 19 and moved to the States to go to University. He was always a smart lad, and tried so hard at school because he knew that he would be able to move country away from the assholes in his classes. America also had a better programme for the treatment he needed to become who he was inside.

“That will be £30.80 mate” The taxi driver rolled to a stop outside of a train station which was going to take him to another random station where he would get another random train to Yorkshire, and then yet another random train and taxi to his home town. 

Louis handed the driver the correct amount of notes and coins, before scrambling out from the back-seat, his luggage with all his belongings crammed into two huge suitcases. “Thank you.” Louis smiled to the driver, before turning around. The air was chilly and Louis felt like he could feel it in his bones. 

The boy’s phone buzzed in his pocket as he boarded the first train of the day, and Louis was so tired from all the travelling he had already done that he could barely read the text in front of him from his mum, which was asking when he would be back so they could go out for dinner. 

Louis hadn’t been home since he left for America, and he was very nervous to see his family again, after four years. A lot has happened to Louis since he left and he was going to be back in the same house, with the same people as he was before and he didn’t know whether he was ready. Therefore it was very hard to fall asleep on the journey to his family, but maybe this was a good thing as, when he did eventually manage to fall asleep in the taxi which was taking him to his home town, he was so tired the taxi driver had to physically shake him awake. 

Once Louis had paid the driver, he walked towards the small house which used to be his home for the first 19 years of his life. The front garden looked the same, only a different number of cars on the driveway. His younger sister Lottie had recently learnt to drive, and so that meant three cars were crammed in the tiny space around his house. The front door was the same chipped blue paint, and he could distinctly see two faces peering at him from the front room window. Louis smiled to his younger sisters Daisy and Phoebe nervously, waving slightly and pulling a funny face.   
Before Louis could even make it to the door, it was swung open and he was pulled straight into a bear hug. The familiar smell of his mother Jay greeted him, and Louis felt the tears prick at the corner of his eyes, he had really missed his family. 

“I am so proud of you baby.” Jay whispered, rubbing Louis’ back soothingly which gave Louis a bucket load more confidence. He had videochatted and seen his mum since the operations but Louis hadn’t yet seen his family in person, and he was still petrified of judgement. 

“Good to see you bro.” Lottie grinned, wrapping her arms around Louis once his mother had released him. She had grown up so much, before he had left she didn’t even wear mascara, but now here she was with all that contour shit that Louis never had time for back in the day. Louis smiled and shook hands with Lottie’s boyfriend who basically lived at the house, and proceeded to hug is other younger sisters. 

“Hello lad.” Louis crouched down and smiled, his Mother had given birth to another set of twins when Louis had been aware, and it was the first time he was properly meeting his brother Ernest and sister Doris. The toddlers had run into Louis’ awaiting arms with no hesitation, which again relaxed Louis greatly. It was a strange situation having not met his younger siblings before, but he was glad for FaceTime and Skype. 

Once the greetings were over, Louis wandered into the living room after dumping his bags in the hallway, and slumping on the sofa. He was knackered. Having to get up at 3am for his flight, and spending the whole afternoon on trains and in taxis had worn him out. 

“Don’t get too comfy love, we are meeting Dan at the restaurant, he is coming straight after his work, so we need to really get going.” Jay informed as she pushed Louis’ feet off of the sofa with a disapproving look.

Louis, Daisy, Phoebe, Lottie and her boyfriend all climbed into Lottie’s small silver Volvo, which was a tight fit, with the twins clambering all over Louis in the back-seat chattering away to him about their friends and school. Felicite and the toddlers went with their mum, and they all drove to the restaurant which happened to be a very fancy one. 

“Jamie’s! Mum are you sure we can afford this?” Louis muttered as they stood in the doorway, waiting to be shown to the table which Jay had booked months in advance. 

“Only the best for my boy.” His mum smiled, rubbing a comforting hand over Louis’ arm. “Don’t you worry about it.”

Dan made an appearance about 15 minutes after the family had been escorted and seated at their large table. 

“Where is my oldest son then?” Dan’s voice boomed as he walked towards the family, smiling at Louis wide. “Miss you lad.” The two hugged, and Louis felt very grateful that he had such an amazing and supportive family who have fully accepted who he is. He was feeling insanely emotional during that meal. 

Louis ordered his favourite, pepperoni pizza with mozzarella. He also ordered a side of sweet potato fries and a large coke, because he hates the taste of alcohol. Everything was going perfectly, Louis was caught up in catching up with his family, laughing at his siblings and cramming his face with amazing food, that foe the first time in forever he didn’t feel self conscious.

“So, Louis are you going to be meeting up with any of your old friends from school?” His mum asked, having to multi task with keeping Doris from getting up and sprinting around the fancy restaurant. 

Louis was a little put off by the question, he didn’t really have many friends in school in England, and those he did use to associate with he wouldn’t want to see now. They probably wouldn’t even recognise him anyway. 

Louis shook his head. “I guess if I bumped into them I might but I am not sure right now.” Louis quickly made up, it was a small lie but if it got his mum off is back that evening then he was happy. 

“Well that lovely boy Harry, from your high school is over there.” His mother pointed out, and Louis felt dread fill every corner of his body, as he looked up and saw the familiar brown curls and lanky boy from all those years ago. 

Harry’s mum had interrupted the groups celebrations about half an hour after they had started, insisting everyone go home whilst Harry and his family go out for a celebratory dinner at Jamie’s. Harry had tried telling her to fuck off but as she said “We can’t let the neighbours think we did not do anything for our son’s graduation.” Harry was pretty pissed, this meant he would be late for the party which was at Niall’s house later that night. And all for some stupid dinner where his parents would pretend they didn’t hate each other and Harry would sit in silence whilst getting constantly slanted from his mum for his poor sitting posture. 

“Why don’t you go and talk to him?” His mum pestered. 

Louis flushed. He did not want t go and talk to Harry, the boy he crushed over for the majority of his childhood, not now and not ever. He rapidly shook his head, averting his eyes back down to his plate. 

“Louis fancies Harryyyy!” Lottie teased as she nudged him with her elbow, and Louis shoved her back and flipped her off. It didn’t take long for the siblings to go back to the love hate relationship. 

The rest of the dinner was spent with his sisters teasing, his youngest sibling being loud and Louis sneaking glances to the cute boy he used to sit next to in English class all those years ago. 

“I am just going to the toilet quick.” Louis mentioned as he rose from his seat, his mum nodding along as she punched the numbers into the card machine on their table which is used to pay. Louis’ step dad was fishing through his wallet for a tip whilst his siblings screamed and argued about who was sitting where in the cars, causing the posh diners to turn and stare.

The toilets were on the other side of the restaurant, and up a flight of stairs which caused Louis to huff, he never liked exercise. When he pushed the heavy door open, his heart sank. Harry Styles was stood by a urinal, whistling quietly to himself. Louis flushed, feeling very self conscious, keeping his gaze averted to the boy’s lower half as he made his way to a cubicle. 

Taking a few deep breaths, Louis leant against the door with his eyes closed. Harry had looked up briefly and offered the boy a smile, which Louis defiantly didn’t return, as he was too focused on getting his ass in the tiny cubicle. Harry probably was wondering why Louis didn’t use one of the other two urinals which were free next to him, which made the body flush deeper. 

After doing his business, Louis waited few more minutes, having not heard the heavy door slam in confirmation that Harry had left. And so Louis shouldn’t have been surprised when the boy was still in the bathroom, faffing around the sink area. Louis wandered towards a sink, furthest away from the boy, and began rinsing the soap he had just lathered into his hands, down the drain. The other boy’s eyes seemed to be boring into Louis’ side, and his heart stopped once more. Louis didn’t know what was going on, all he knew is he needed to get out of that bathroom quickly.

“Hey, do I know you?” Harry’s voice sliced through the silence. Louis closed his eyes, taking a ragged breath in. 

Kind of. 

“No, I don’t think so.” Louis replied, his voice slightly shaking.

“You look very familiar, did you go to High School or college here?” Harry asked, and Louis turned fully around to face the boy, hoping he didn’t look like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Louis just shook his head, walking towards the hand dryers, and praying that the loud noise of the device will cause the conversation to end, and for Harry to walk away. But he didn’t walk away.

“I am Harry. Harry Styles.” He informed the boy, tossing his head to the side and causing his hair to flick over his shoulder. Confident as always, and his hair had gotten longer since Louis had last seen the boy. He was actually kind of surprised, Harry always had a short haircut, with tight curls, it was like his signature look. 

“I don’t know anyone with that name.” Louis replied back, cringing inside at how rude he sounded, he was just desperate to leave. 

“Well, I don’t usually do this but, I kind of want to get to know you.” 

Louis’ hand paused on the door handle, in shock. Harry wanted to get to know him. His heart was thudding loudly in his ears, had he even heard the boy right? 

“What?” Louis stuttered, flushing.

“Come on, live a little. Give the weird boy you met in the toilets your number.” Harry smiled, a dimple popping up. Before Louis could even process what he was doing, he had turned around, nodding. He could kick himself he was so annoyed, the main objective was to get away from Harry and not have to get into a sticky situation like this. 

Louis recited his number to the boy, having knowing it off by heart. 

“Give me your phone, I’ll put my number in it.”

“My phone is charging in the car.” Louis flushed. He hadn’t expected to be meeting Harry fucking Styles in the bathroom, or anticipated that he would want to exchange numbers and so he left it to charge in Lottie’s car. “I gotta go anyway.” Louis mumbled, suddenly realising that his family were probably waiting for him. 

“Wait, I don’t even know your name!” 

Louis turned around, shooting the boy a small smile. 

“It’s Louis.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waiting what seemed like centuries, Louis and Harry start to text, and before Louis realises it he is stood outside a coffee shop in town, about to meet Harry fucking Styles for the second time that week.

Louis waited all night when he got home, sat by his phone just waiting for the text from Harry. He said he was going to text him a ‘hello’ so that Louis can have his number too. But hat text never came. Louis couldn’t help the sinking feeling he got when he realised that, either Harry has decided he was too much effort and should focus it somewhere else, or he was just messing with the boy and didn’t actually want to contact Louis at all. 

Either way, it made Louis feel pretty shitty, and so he went downstairs at 12:30am and got the jar of fluff he had brought over from America, sat on his bed with a stack of chick flicks and munched his way through the whole jar. 

When the boy awoke the next day his phone was vibrating on his cheek, which confused as he didn’t have an alarm set on his phone. His eyes peeled open and his hands blindly searched for the object which had awoken the boy. Once the phone was in his hands, his eyes squinted slightly to try and adjust to the bright light which was emitting from the screen, but he could defiantly make out the many texts on his lock screen.

Once his eyes had adjusted to the bright screen, he could finally read the many texts which cluttered his lock screen. 

Unknown Number:  
Hey it’s Harry, the boy from the toilets! 

Unknown Number:  
Louis? This is the right number right… 

Unknown Number:  
I really am starting to think this is the wrong number…:L

Unknown Number:  
Sorry random stranger… 

Louis smiled, Harry seemed pretty desperate to get a reply off of Louis, not waiting long for the boy to wake up and read the texts. Louis had never been in the situation of texting a cute boy, that he used to like a lot, and hadn’t seen in a very long time. He had never text someone who has that cool reputation everyone in High School seemed to strive for. Does he wait a few more hours before he replies? Does he look at the texts and not reply or does he reply right now? 

Louis decided to put the boy out of his misery, and text him straight back. He seems like he has been pretty impatient for Louis’ answer. 

Louis:  
Hi !! This is Louis, calm down :D 

Almost immediately Louis got a reply from the other boy. 

Harry:  
Phew! I thought I had lost you then! And you never gave me your last name so I couldn’t even search on FaceBook.

Louis:  
I don’t have FaceBook

Harry replied with the shocked face emoji, and Louis laughed. He didn’t text how Louis expected him to, he used proper English and gave a lot of detail, whereas most teenagers and people their age would use the abbreviated version of English, even Louis was guilty of this. Harry sounded sophisticated and very adult, he had changed and grown a lot since Louis used to know him. 

“Louis Tomlinson, get your butt out of bed right now!” Louis’ mum’s voice rang through the otherwise unusually quiet house. This suggested that his sister’s were somewhere like the park or at a friends, because guaranteed if his siblings were in the house there would be screams and noise everywhere. 

“I am up mum!” Louis called back, jumping off of the mattress and ruffling his hair, leaving his phone on his bedside to start charging. He shrugged on a grey hoodie and some black jeans, before wandering down the wooden staircase and to the kitchen. His mum was making a lot of noise, the sounds of plates crashing and cutlery bashing together was loud as he made his way closer to the room. 

Louis swung the fridge door open lazily, but didn’t have the chance to even scan the contents before it was slammed closed again by his mother’s hand. 

“The kitchen is closed Louis. If you wanted to have lunch you should have come down before now.” jay scolded her son, glancing at the digital clock on their microwave to see the time was 1:30pm. 

“But I am so hungry mum.” Louis whined, throwing his head back in frustration. He hated it when his mum used to do this when he was younger, and he hated it even more now. 

“You can either wait the couple of hours before it is dinner time or you can go buy yourself something.” His mum snapped back, glaring at the boy playfully. 

Louis rolled his eyes, before dramatically spinning on his heels and dragging his body back up the stairs to get his wallet and phone. He slipped his worn out vans which were lying at the end of his bed, exactly where he had kicked them off the previous day. He only needed his wallet, not bothering to dress up in anything fancy to go to Costa. 

Taking his phone off charge he saw another text from Harry on the lock screen. That boy was coming across a little desperate, even by Louis’ standards which was surprising. 

Harry:  
I am so bored, we should meet up soon? X

Louis smiled widely, he had used a kiss and a smile emoji! 

Louis:  
Well, I am just popping to Costa now if ya wanna meet me there ? I’m going to the one in town next to the pet store ;) x 

Harry:  
See you there:) xx

Louis grinned, and on second thoughts decided ton grab his Ray Ban sunglasses, and spent a little while running some hair product which was sitting on his side table, in his hair. If Harry was going to be seeing him, he needed to look good. 

*_*

The walk to Costa was a short one, but it still exhausted Louis, who hated any sort of exercise. He remembered the dreadful few months once he started the transition, he had to do a lot of exercise because the fat distribution changed in his body to around his stomach. It had been a stressful time for the boy, and he couldn’t wait for when the next few months was over so he could finally be done with operations and injections. 

Harry wasn’t in the little coffee store yet, and Louis had a mini debate in his head on whether he should order for himself now or wait for Harry. He decided on just going for it, finding himself with a caramel cooler in his hands and a fruit bar in the other, as he looked around to find a table. He eventually decided for a small table towards the back on the place, it was out of the way from other customers but not too isolated that Louis felt like he was miles away from other customers.

Another agonising few minutes passed, where Louis was sat with his eyes glued to the door, hope bubbling inside whenever the door opened, only for him to feel disappointed when a stranger walked inside. He soon decided to pass the time by playing a game on his phone, but his nerves were spiralling and he began wondering why he even bothered to invite the boy in the first place. He had only just met the guy (kind of) and now he’s sat on a coffee shop feeling disappointment fill every inch of his body as the idea that the boy wasn’t coming filled his mind. 

Harry probably found something better to do.

He probably hasn’t even left his house yet.

He was probably still drunk when he text Louis, and now he’s gone back to sleep. 

He probably thought that-

“Hey Louis.” The low tone of Harry’s voice broke him from his thoughts, and Louis’ eyes immediately flicked up from his phone to see the green eyed boy standing over him, and Harry too was sporting a cute little smile. “Ordered without me?” 

Louis flushed. 

“I uhm, well I did debate whether or not to wait but I was starving and like so-” 

Harry laughed, shaking his head and telling him he will be right back. Louis watched as the lanky boy walked up to the counter, he looked amazing, not like he was just at a big party the night before. His jeans were super skinny, defining his thin legs and (unfortunately) flat bum. He was wearing a thin floral shirt and his long hair hung softly past his shoulders. The shirt was pretty see through and, even though Louis was sat at the back, he could see Harry’s back muscles contract as he leant froward to see the options for food. 

Harry was stunning. Just stunning. 

The girl behind the counter smiled at something the boy had said. Harry was always a charming person, making everyone feel at ease when you spoke to him, no matter who you were. That’s what Louis admired about him the most, what drew him in when they were back at school. Harry never seemed to stick to the social rules which were silently agreed by the kids in the year, he would speak to anyone like a friend, be it the loser kid with no friends, or the most popular kid in the school. He always spoke to Louis like he would one of his friends, which was so unusual. It wasn’t even as if he was naive to the social hierarchy, it was just like he made the conscious decision not to follow it, and it that is what Louis admired most. 

Louis quickly looked down with flushed cheeks once again, when Harry turned around abruptly to see the boy staring. Louis had been so lost in his train of thought that he got caught staring. But Harry being Harry just smirked and didn’t mention it. 

“I got us a piece of brownie cake to share, seeing as you said you were hungry.” 

“You didn’t have to, I have this.”” Louis spoke back, referring to the half eaten fruit bar, which didn’t taste that appealing even though it cost him a small fortune. 

Harry raised an eyebrow and scooted the brownie closer to the boy, handing him a metal fork and sitting down opposite. Harry’s drink was a classic, caramel coffee. It was pretty much the exact same to Louis’ though Harry’s was hot and Louis’ was not.

“I haven’t seen you before.” Harry stated curiously, making the blood thump in Louis’ ears as Harry glanced up and made eye contact. 

Louis knew this was coming. Harry would want to try and get to know him, where he lived, what he does, about his life. But Louis wasn’t ready for this to be over. How could he just tell Harry who he is, how can Harry understand and accept who he is? Louis couldn’t tell him. And so he only had one option left. 

“My family moved here recently. It’s nice, kinda quiet.” Louis replied, swirling his fork in his hand nervously. 

“I am assuming you were not in England before?” Harry replied, glancing to Louis’ tanned arms which were resting on the table. 

“I studied in America but my family are from Yorkshire.”

“You studied in America!” Harry exclaimed, leaning forward in interest.

Louis felt dreadful as he continued to talk to Harry about his life, trying to make it as truthful as possible. Yes he studied in America, it’s the truth but when Harry asked for the reasoning behind that he had to lie. 

“What about you, where did you go to school?” 

Louis wanted the attention off of him, worried he would mess up the story and say the wrong thing, he didn’t want Harry to know that he is lying. Thankfully Harry began telling the story of High School, college and Uni, and due to his slow voice it took a while to say what he wanted to say. Not that Louis wasn’t complaining, he could listen to that boy talk for days without interrupting. Harry could talk about something as uninteresting as taxes and Louis would listen carefully. 

“I took in English at University, loved it so much at school and couldn’t decide on anything else.” He laughed and Louis nodded along.  
“So did I! But University in America is so different, I took English Literature, but also I did classes lie creative writing and journalism as well as random courses. I passed a class on French and real life drawing.” Louis smiled, he really did love college. 

“That sounds amazing! I would have loved to do a journalism course, I want to be a writer of some sorts.” Harry grinned, and Louis nodded his head beaming. 

“So do I”

The two laughed, this was so strange, they had so much in common. Louis always used to think he had nothing in common with Harry, they were so different at school. But they both loved English, and wanted to be writers. Though their personalities were complete opposites. Louis was shy and timid, only talking when Harry asked a question, whereas Harry was pretty confident and very charming. It was obvious when the topic turned onto relationships that Harry was a lot more experienced. 

“I love parties, especially like the one I went to last night. It’s my favourite way to just like wind down, and talk to people who I wouldn’t normally talk to. I am kind of looking for a more permanent person to like be with though now. I feel like, now I have left school I should quit this childish living and be a bit more like serious ya know.” Harry thought aloud, the boy hadn’t realised he wanted that until he began talking about partying and his lifestyle to Louis. “I haven’t really had many proper relationships with anyone.” He admitted.

Louis was surprised. He always thought Harry was one of the boys who would constantly be hooking up with boys at parties and having multiple relationships. The tone got a bit uncomfortable and so Harry asked Louis about his relationship situation. 

“I haven’t had a proper boyfriend I wouldn’t say.” Louis whispered. It wasn’t a lie, he hadn’t had any boys interested in him, as soon as they find out who he is they lose interest. It was frustrating to Louis but not surprising, one of the reasons why he doesn’t put himself out there to meet boys and get a boyfriend is because he knows they will all just get too scared and leave. 

People are scared of the things they don’t understand. 

That’s why it is such a big deal that Louis is even sat talking to Harry, he’s finally putting himself out there, and the risk caused the nerves in him to go into a frenzy, but he was finally ready. He was finally confident in himself to take this little step, he just hopes that this all goes okay. Louis isn’t confident enough to pick himself back up if he does fall at the end. 

Louis doesn’t even notice that his phone is vibrating on the table until Harry points it out, he was too busy listening to the boy in front of him talk in his slow voice, about everything on his mind and about his life. 

“Hi mum?” Louis answers, cheeks burning again. Harry probably thinks he is so lame, his mum is phoning probably to pry and wonder where Louis was.

“Where are you? I was wondering if you could come home soon to take Ernest and Doris to the ar next to the house whilst I take the girls swimming?” Jay asked, and Louis would usually tell her he was busy, but her voice tone sounded like she was desperate. 

“Sure mum, I will be there in 10 minutes.” Once he hung up, he turned to Harry who was looking at him with a sad smile.   
“You have to leave?”

“Mum needs me to look after my youngest siblings whilst she takes my other younger sisters swimming. I don’t know why Lottie can’t do it, she is seventeen and I bet she’s at home.” Louis ranted. 

“Big family huh?” 

Louis laughed, nodding. “Five little sisters and a little brother. It’s a mad house.”

Harry smiled, “Lucky, I am an only child.” 

There was a silence between the two which turned awkward quickly. 

“We will have to meet again soon, I feel like I have told you my whole life story but know nothing about you.” It was true, whenever Louis could he found a way to bounce the questions back onto Harry so he didn’t have to lie, and although he felt bad about it he was also relieved because the little meeting had gone smoothly and Louis hadn’t fucked up for once. 

“Uhm, yeah sure. I really have to go now, thank you for coming I had a really good time.” 

Before Louis could leave, Harry bet down and wrapped the brownie in a couple of napkins, it had barely been touched and Harry hated to see waste.

“Take this home, you hardly had any, it’s tasty, I should know I used to be a baker.”

Louis grinned remembering back in High School when Harry used to brag about having a Saturday job in the local bakery. 

“Thank you Harry.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis meets Harry's friends (kind of)

The walk back to Harry’s house is a long one, he would usually go to somewhere a bit posher than Costa, but he was very glad Louis offered that place because it was so much realer and comfortable than any of the coffee places near Harry’s. 

His dad was a director for movies, so he was always away in America mostly, filming he next blockbuster hit. His mother worked for some international make-up company, so she was usually away abroad too. They lived in a posh neighbourhood, with snooty people living around them and so there was always the need to impress. They ignored the fact that Harry rebels, smoking weed and getting drunk constantly, still. It started in college, when his parents started leaving him on his own completely for months at a time, so they could do their jobs. It was a cry for attention, but it was ignored for the ‘good of the family’, it didn’t fit into their perfect life. 

The country lanes he has to walk down to get to the isolated rich part of town, makes his brown boots muddy, and scuffed. He huffed angrily, knowing his parents would freak if they saw them. They always talked about how Harry had to look presentable when he went out, because God forbid other people see him in a comfy outfit and a scruffy hair look. That anyone would see him looking a little normal and like an actual teenage boy. 

The boy couldn’t wait until he had enough money to buy his own place, in the normal part of town, nearer his friends and away from his family. His mum and dad had offered to buy him an apartment somewhere nearby so he could live on his own, but he declined the offer, for two reasons. One he wanted to be able to buy or rent his home on his own, like everyone else with his own hard earned money. Secondly, if he allowed his parents to buy it, they would decide where it would be and what it looked like and everything and he knew it wouldn’t be a normal small flat, they would purchase the closest apartment or house to them. 

When the boy did arrive to their estate, the long walk suddenly didn’t seem long enough. The street had roughly 5 houses on each side of the road, all being very large and obnoxious. All the houses had the same structure, but each family tried to out do their neighbours on the amount of work and changes they make to the appearance. For example, his mother had insisted on getting their porch redone to make it larger, for no reason other than their neighbour Mrs B got a new one that month and it looked better. 

“Hello Harry.” Their gardener was pulling weeds from the front lawn, and Harry smiled at him politely. He liked the people his parents hired to look after the house and gardens, most were pretty nice. He did used to loath the babysitter/nanny which they had hired when Harry was younger though, she was an absolute nightmare. 

As soon as Harry walked through the door, he could hear his parents hushed tones as they argued with each other in the living room. Rolling his eyes, Harry shrugged his jacket off and walked to the kitchen to grab a snack. Their large fridge was filled to the brim with extravagant food, and since the date with Louis at Costa, Harry suddenly craved simplicity. He didn’t want to drink coconut milk he wanted a normal carton of milk to down. 

“You are always away Des, I can’t keep putting my jobs on hold for you.” He heard his Mother Ann snap, her tone getting louder with each syllable.

“My job is clearly more important. I bring the most money in.” His Dad practically roared back, causing Harry to cringe. They usually argued in soft tones as to try and disguise the fact they had any problems with their marriage at all. But they clearly did, with the shrt time they do spend together usually ends this way. 

Shaking his head, Harry headed to his room quickly, opting for a couple of chocolate bars which were stashed in the sweet cupboard at the top shelf. This was meant for keeping it out of reach from Harry, however he has been able to reach the cupboard for nearly 5 years, his parents just haven’t noticed yet. 

As he makes his way up the stairs to his bedroom, he sends a text to the group chat, asking if any of his friends wanted to come hang out. Immediately people responded, Will and Zayn couldn’t make it because they were at their local park together kicking a ball around, Sophia was out of town so she couldn’t come either. However, Niall and Liam were both free, and Liam was going to pick Niall up and drive to Harry’s to be there in 15 minutes. 

The few minutes waiting for the boys to come, Harry began rolling couple of joints, so they could all relax whilst they talk. The boy started getting into drugs to get some sort of attention from his parents, he didn’t deny that but now he used them to relax and chill out after stressful days or encounter with his mum and dad. Harry hadn’t been the first person in the group to introduce drugs to their parties and hang outs, so he would be smoking even if his parents did give a shit about what he does because, his whole friendship group do it. 

Pretty soon Liam and Niall were sat on Harry’s bed, joint in hand and laughter filling the room. 

“So, I said to her like ‘I really like you and everything but I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” Niall was at the end of a pretty long anecdote on some girl he had met at a party the night before, fucked and then left the next day. 

“Let her down nicely as usual.” Liam laughed, pushing Niall’s shoulder lightly. Harry watched the exchange quietly, not having many words to say on such a topic. 

He would never speak up and voice his opinion, but he never really laughed and found the same level of amusement as the others, on using people like that. Everyone knew that Sara liked Niall since they started at University, and the fact Niall used her and left her like that made him kind of angry. 

“Just because I am not as blunt as you when I am telling a girl I aint interested, don’t make you more of a man.” Niall defended and Harry shook his head.

“How the fuck did you get through University without being able to speak proper English?” Harry asked grumpily, taking a drag of the blunt in his hands. 

“What about you Harry, got any lads in your bed recently?” Liam asked, raising his eyebrows. 

Harry shrugged, a small smile played at his lips as he remembered Louis. He had a feeling Louis will take a little longer to convince to get in his bed, but Harry is feeling pretty confident that it will happen.

“I see that smile you little fuckboy, who is it?”

“His name is Louis. I met him yesterday and then again today.” Harry shrugged, smiling softly to himself. He was feeling a little reluctant to talk about Louis with the boys, knowing how they will react to these sorts of things. 

“You’ve known him since yesterday and ya still interested?” Niall questioned, he gave a puzzled look. Harry’s track record has been the same the other boys in the group, hookup and dropping boys constantly. But Louis was different, he wanted to get to know the boy, and he defiantly needed to invest time for him to hop into Harry’s bed. 

“If you ever see him, you’ll understand.” Harry replied. 

That didn’t seem to be enough for Niall and Liam though, both began asking for the boy’s last name so they can stalk him on all social media. 

“What do ya mean you don’t know his last name?” Liam laughed, his phone ready in his hand to stalk the boy’s FaceBook. 

“I just don’t, we have been texting.”

“FaceTime him.” Niall stated, making a grab for Harry’s phone quickly.

 

“

*_*

Louis had just gotten ready for bed when his phone started vibrating, lighting up with the FaceTime call. Harry’s name was written clearly in bold over the red and green answer buttons, and Louis felt nervous. Staring the phone for a few seconds, Louis’ fingers made the move to the green answer button before his brain could respond. 

The ‘connecting’ stage of answering the call went by agonizingly slow but all too soon, Louis’ cheeks flushed red and his eyes widened as the call started. 

“Hi Louis.” Harry greeted awkwardly, one hand holding a blunt and the other nervously fiddling with his hair. There was two other boys in shot, both staring right at Louis, and the boy had never felt more self conscious and vulnerable. He remembered both boys, and that scared Louis. “This is Niall and Liam.”

“Uhm, Hi..” Louis coughed. A long silence ensued as all three boys sat in Harry’s room, stared quietly at Louis, waiting for him to say something. Louis couldn’t even process a thought let alone say something smart and funny to the other three boys. Never in his life did he think he would be sat video chatting with Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Harry Styles. 

“He’s cute Haz.” Niall stated obnoxiously, looking at the curly haired boy and acting as if Louis wasn’t even there. 

“Shut up Niall.” Harry snapped back, pushing the blonde lad. Obnoxious laughter filled the room and filtered out of the speakers on Louis’ phone, whilst he sat quietly. “So, what have you been up to?” 

The question sounded awkward, Louis could tell Harry felt just as uncomfortable with this situation as him. 

So Louis began talking, quickly about how he looked after his sisters in the park and then got back home for dinner. He didn’t quite finish what he was saying however, because half way through Liam had muttered a comment which Louis didn’t hear and Niall began roaring with laughter as Harry started thumping at them both. 

Louis felt very embarrassed, they hadn’t been listening to him because they didn’t care what he has been doing, it was boring. Harry seemed more comfortable in pushing his friends and bantering with them than he did listening to Louis’ boring life. So he fell in silence and waited patiently for them to address him again. 

“Louis hunny, are you ready for bed yet?” Louis’ mum’s voice was loud as she knocked on his door, and Louis didn’t even process the three other boys on the FaceTime call, as panic rose in his chest. Without thinking Louis ended the call just in time for his mum to open the door and enter the room. 

His heart was still pounding as Jay sat down next to him on the bed. He felt like a teenager that had been caught watching porn by his mum. 

“What were you doing on your phone?” His mum asked and Louis made a stupid excuse of setting up an alarm for the morning. “Well, the appointment is at 9am tomorrow so I would suggest you go to sleep soon.” His mum told him, kissing his cheek goodnight and leaving the room.

As Louis turned the lights out, actually making an alarm on his phone for the morning and laying his head down on the pillow, he began thinking, or more like cringing with what had happened a few minutes before. The call was awful, Liam and Niall seemed to be making fun of him and Harry seemed to embarrassed to want his friends to talk to him. Louis just felt embarrassed and it took him a lot longer to turn his brain off and fall asleep because of the cringing memories.


End file.
